Quite possibly the next bible for parents who are looking for new ways to engage with their children that are healthy and meaningful.

Luvmour gives the reader a thorough history of child psychology and development and then breaks childhood into three developmental stages. Parents can get a new perspective on their children and real insights into how to change family dynamics.

This book offers no short cuts or quick fixes and that is what makes it so great. It helps the reader address all aspects of childhood and helps us look at some of the more challenging facets of children's lives in a new and positive light.

Rather than trying to ignore difficult behaviour or label it as something negative, Luvmour helps the reader get to the root of it accept it as natural and help the child through tough times, Many adults are not comfortable with negative emotions and the author gives us the tools to make a real shift in our lives that will assist us in raising our children in an emotionally healthy home.

Optimal Parenting has amazing insights into all stages of childhood; particularly helpful are the chapters that help parents understand the challenges of adolescence and the transitional stages of childhood, The chapters on academics, spirituality, social justice and divorce and blended families are so useful readers can use this book as a reference for many years to come.

—Michele Dennis, Kindred Magazine, Dec. 2007-Feb. 2008

Geoffrey "Ba" Luvmour suffered food allergies as a kid, but no work ever was done to identify a food culprit. In his 20s, Luvmour did the work; he experimented with different diets and eliminated the troublesome foods. Now 59, he's not suffered since. In Luvmour's mind, families that struggle to be a healthy unit composed of healthy individuals struggle unnecessarily – like he had with undiagnosed food allergies.

Just as Luvmour figured out which physical nourishments didn't jibe with his body's needs, family members must provide one another "developmental nourishments," he says. In so doing, "it's like creating a healthy immune system," a system that functions beautifully and continually without the need for "palliatives," says Luvmour, considered a pioneer in the field of whole-family experiential learning and also a father, new grandfather and national and international speaker.

How does one – and how does a family – strengthen its so-called immune system? Luvmour and a growing number of individual and group adherents to Luvmour's philosophies, believe Optimal Parenting: Using Natural Learning Rhythms to Nurture the Whole Child (Sentient Publications, 2006) holds not the answer, but many different ways people can arrive at their own right answer for their children and their families.

The Crux of the Book

"I have read many of the parenting books out there, and this one stands above the rest," says one reader in Luvmour's hometown of Portland, Ore. "It doesn't just address problems or difficulties, but instead offers concrete examples and beautiful ways to nurture the well-being in my child, in my family, in society and in myself. I found this so refreshing. It offers great narratives, examples in case-history form and really easy-to-understand tables that help tie everything together in one place."

Luvmour, who for nearly 25 years has steeped himself in fields including child development, family dynamics, anthropology and even quantum mechanics, says at the crux of his newest book is the delineation of four developmental stages of childhood. Each stage represents a way the child organizes his world, and that child's parents must nourish – not fight against or try to alter – that place. Only then can optimal well-being be established in the child and, thus, in the entire family.

"Bringing well-being is the quickest, most powerful way to get to family well-being and to remedying dysfunction," Luvmour says in a phone interview from his home. He adds that total success, however, does not come quickly – especially when considering Luvmour believes childhood stretches from conception to 23 years of age.

Natural Learning Rhythms: The Four Stages

Natural Learning Rhythms (NLR) – working with the child during the developmental stage he is at – helps define Luvmour's four stages of childhood. "Natural Learning Rhythms goes beyond just safeguarding the child and making sure they become productive or creative members of society," Luvmour writes in Chapter Two. "(NLR) helps each family member hit their notes at just the right time, so that the family and the community can be creative and inspiring."

With that definition in mind, here is a synopsis of each of Luvmour's stages of childhood:

• BodyBeing occurs from conception to age 8 1/2. Children in this first stage of childhood are very touch-oriented and thrive on knowing they're in a secure, warm environment. Luvmour recognizes that while most parents intuitively, frequently and gently touch their babies and toddlers, it's more challenging to keep this up as kids become school-age. So flexibility is key. "Loving touch, in its widest meaning of both physical and psychological sensations, is the most important nourishment for the BodyBeing child," he writes in Chapter Five. "However, its form must be modified continually as the child's perceptions and abilities change during the stage."
• A child next transitions to the FeelingBeing stage and remains here until roughly age 13. To Luvmour, this is one of the most critical periods and yet most neglected by parenting and teaching authorities; very little is written about kids in this phase. This is the phase, he says, where kids are on the precipice of learning social and interpersonal skills and about communities. In Optimal Parenting, he emphasizes the importance of mentoring kids ages 9 to 13. (Luvmour bridles at the term "preteen" and believes it condescending to kids this age.) Mentoring helps foster these kids' budding senses of justice, fairness, caring, concern and adventure, not to mention their deepest need: trust. "FeelingBeing children seek the company of adults, older children and, to a lesser extent, peers who feel trustworthy," Luvmour writes. "It is not what is said, but how one feels, that is known."
• Next up is IdealBeing, characterized by growing children's need for respect and to be treated sensitively, especially by peers. Paradoxically, teens from 13 to 17 also crave independence and new adventures and challenges. So while they're driven to have exciting, novel experiences that help define who they're becoming, their reputations are vulnerable in others' eyes. According to Luvmour's book, "under the aegis of autonomy and freedom, IdealBeing children project ideals and construct identities. This is at once an imperative and fragile process."
• And last, as kids hit college-age and early adulthood, they become ReasonableBeing, characterized by their recognition of commitment, equality, achievement and recognition. From ages 17 to 23, children desire interconnectedness (such as falling in love) and gain a sense of humility and the power to recognize. "The recognition of the capacity to recognize fortifies the ReasonableBeing child to engage one of the most perilous and potentially valuable investigations any human will ever undertake: finding the meaning, purpose and substantive value of oneself and one's world," Luvmour writes.

—Jenn Director Knudsen, Preteenagers Today